Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Day 4...There's Always a Loophole, and it's the SQUATS

DAY 4! Day 4! ONLY 26 MORE!

Day 3 was a fine example of a POST (Put Off Sitting Temporarily) day...I stood for a meager 9 hours, a cake walk compared to days 1 and 2. Mmmmmm caaaaaaaaake...

I am hoping this isn't getting all boring and void of novelty for y'all...I mean really, all that's happening is I am standing like, a lot, for 30 days. If I could stand on broken glass or fire, or better yet, fire ants, just for all of you to be amused, I would. Nah. I wouldn't. Moving on.

So yesterday the kids FINALLY acknowledged my strange computer set up. I mean really, who uses 12 packs as desk furniture? 12 packs of sparkly water that is. Hmmm...I just realized many a college student might do that very thing with beer. I felt a little more vindicated after the acknowledgment, meaning my kids noticed I existed. Audge actually mentioned she had noticed the whole time. When I asked her why she didn't say anything she said, "because I was reading!" Um...ok? I guess I missed her 10+ hours a day of reading...

And here on the 4th day, I figured I'd be in great shape by now. This is one reason why working out doesn't "work out" for me. I jump around for 2 days and then rush to the nearest mirror to assess any physical changes, and then get all upset and cranky when I see that I look exactly the same and quit. By now, from all this standing up, I already expected to lose like 5 pounds and have legs like J'Lo. To my utter dismay, however, this has not happened. In fact I think I might have even GAINED a worries. I will chart any changes next Monday and go from there.

My hip is actually starting to feel better! Normally when I get up from a sitting position I want to fall right back down from the pain in my right hip, which if I were old might make me break my hip. It's not actually my hip, but the muscle or ligament attached to it. It's brutitusuisusisi or something (I diagnosed myself because I am a doctor in my head) and is often exacerbated by...sitting!

Standing does get a tad tedious once your house is basically as clean as it's gonna get. Now I am doing a lot of stretching, like I am gonna try out for Swan Lake or something. In an attempt to burn more calories and pass the time, I played with Zimmel in the living room yesterday. I am totally embarrassed to say that I ran the dog so hard he puked...and he puked up green, chunky stuff. I don't remember ever feeding him green, chunky stuff. Therefore I had to assume a POTS (Position Other Than Standing) position and clean it up before he ate it, in true dog fashion. GAG!

Now, we are onto today...I am nearing the 4th hour of standing.

So y'all...because I know this is hard, and you're all troopers for standing with me, I am happy to report I found a loophole to this whole standing thing. Yes, it is SQUATS!

Now, you might think that SQUATS would just be another form of POTS, or some terrible exercise routine, but, it's not. It's closer to POSTing in all reality, but much sneakier...

SQUATS is simply this: Sitting QUalifies As Technically Standing.

How's this?

Well, here's how it works for me.

A little background first. I miss sitting and drinking my coffee and catching up on the news drivel in the mornings. I mean, standing just doesn't offer the same comfy experience. Standing makes me feel like I am always at the ready for something, like an earthquake or impromptu dance number. And I wanted another acronym too. Winn came up with the word SQUATS, and I had to think of how this would all come together...

And by golly it did.

As I was drifting off to sleep, repeating SQUATS...SQUATS...over and over in my head, I started thinking about how much sooner I could sit at night, if my 12 hour days started a couple hours earlier. Then, it hit me!

If I get up earlier, then I can actually SIT and read and drink coffee before the 12 hour day begins! Because normally I would just be sleeping anyway! Isn't this GENIUS???

It's like, the best idea, EVER! Well, unless I want to sleep in. Or you want to sleep in. Hey, I am doing the best I can here.

So, I may SQUATS tomorrow...I am a little worried it might make me more prone to having ASS attacks (you know, Accidentally Started to Sit), but I will have a scheduled POST date so, I may need to SQUATS another day, because I need my beauty sleep.

SQUATSing may be the best of both worlds. I'll let you know as soon as I attempt a SQUATS.

And with that, and my mention of fire ants, I leave you with this video, my favorite comedian. If he did a 20-hour standing room-only performance I would so stand there the whole time!

Peace to your feet y'all!


w said...

i knew you were going to post fire ants. i just knew.

remember what squats could also mean? too bad we both don't use boo boo words. because, man. that would've been good.

guess what? i'm sitting right now.

Dee Crowe said...

I'm just glad its SQUATS and not SQUIRTS...maaaaan

Cupcakes And Coffee said...

Still right by your side and heading into work for my 8 hours straight of standing!! And I know how it feels to have run out of things to clean, yesterday I cleaned hubby's white shoes. Oh dear!

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