Monday, May 9, 2011

As I Stand I Admit I Don't Know Much About Qi Except it Gives Me Tons of Points in Scrabble

Monday.

It's a stupid Monday. Stupid stupid dumb dumb STOOOOOOOOPID!!!!

I am standing. But, my head is hung low. I don't care if it's bad posture. Psh. Stooopidness.

And now, after 70+ hours of standing, time to record my stats, compared with last Monday. Get ready to be blown away y'all. You might want to sit down for this...

Weight ----> Um...I have actually GAINED, people!!!! I am SO embarrassed to admit this! 3 pounds to be exact. How the how does THAT happen??? I am not sure what to say except, please value my honesty and um, maybe it's new muscle?

Body Mass Index: 23.3 ----> 23.8: A 0.5 increase, still "normal" but psh. Normal is boring.

Waist-to-Height ratio 0.45 ----> Up to 0.46: still on the high end of normal, maybe teetering on the edge...like my sanity...

Percent Body Fat 28.3% ----> 29.5%: Well, obviously it's not muscle I have gained!!! FRICKIN BLARGHING CRIPES! WHERE'S ALL THE LIPASE COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS DESTROYING MY COPIOUS MONSTROUS GLOBULOUS GLOBS OF FAT? HUH? HUH!?!?!?!?!?!*!@(!*#^$!^%@!*&*!

So yeah, I changed nothing except, instead of sitting, I am standing. But still, even simple math would suggest I am burning more calories and therefore should at least not GAIN weight!!

Math is stupid.

Actually, I think know what's going on, and, I have no control over it.

Aunt Flo has stopped by for a visit. I hate her. She made me eat apple pie too. She is EVIL!

WE HATES AUNT FLO! WE HAAAAAAAAAAATES HER!


And today is her most annoying, insulting, infuriating, imposing day so, my stats are *probably* off because of her barging in and RUINING MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!

GACK!

This is JUST the scenario that makes me want to quit man. My expectations are always waaaaaaay over the top, I start something like this and I expect to lose like 10 pounds in the first week and be pool attire ready.

Sigh.

I will not quit. I.will.not.quit.

I am too legit to quit. Word.

So for another week I will continue to only replace sitting with standing and go about my normal business. If my stats are not improving by next week however, I might be out to disprove this whole standing theory!

I could be FAMOUS!

Yeah, I know that's not possible...

Anyway...after May 16th if nothing changes, I am going to add an element into this experiment, which is a change in diet. More to come on that next week, I am almost certain...

But now to discuss this past weekend...

I was shocked at how easy it was to maintain the standing all weekend! My legs no longer burn and ache, my feet handle the pressure really well too!

My ASS (Accidentally Started to Sit) moments were nil, I had many POTS (Positions Other Than Standing) but no forced POSTS (Putting Off Standing Temporarily) and I didn't feel the need to SQUATS (Sitting QUalifies As Temporary Standing) around in the mornings...

I hopped over to Rite Aid and bought myself some kushyfoot knee-highs support hose and they are quite lovely! They have little massagers on the soles and it feels great! You feel like you're getting a mini-massage with every step! Standing for long periods of time on your bare feet can cause them to spread out, allowing you to snowshoe without any snowshoes at all, so having my feet held snug by the stalkings is a good thing. I hate snowshoeing.

My mom has stood on her feet and has worn hose for as long as I can remember and she has fantastic legs. I suggest buying some of their socks either at their site or Rite Aid. They don't even know I am promoting them. Lucky ducks...

And, with not much to do this weekend, I did notice one thing in-particular...

My kids sit. A lot.

Even though they are completely normal weight and, well, kids -- active in soccer and Shaolin and your everyday spaz-out -- they still sit more than they should. Part of this I blame on the fact that we don't really have a good place for them to run around outside all day; we are next to a road, there is potential for wormy, nasty dog poo to be lurking in the grass, which I must pick up, and, I have to go out there to see them and sometimes I don't want to go outside!!! So, they play in a tiny, grassy area next to our house. Urban living makes it difficult for young kids to get the amount of exercise they really need. But, since they are older, I give them a tad more freedom and just scream at them from the screen door.

So today, while they did their chemistry experiment (testing the pH of different liquids) I made them stand instead of sit. And, for their math, I did the same thing.

They did not like it.

They shifted, complained, walked around, complained...here are two kids who should be able to stand for EVER, and just 25 minutes seemed like the end of the world to them! I am going to be more deliberate in making sure they are sitting less, AND, I won't force them to sit, like I usually do, during breakfast and lunch. Right now they are outside playing, and that's the way it should be.

So into 4 hours of standing and trying my best tolerate Aunt Flo, I decided to give you all some more encouragement with another article.

This article is from the That's Fit website. This article suggests that just replacing sitting with standing, you can lose 18 pounds after a year...SOB! I want to lose 18 pounds NOW!!!! They even link up to examples of economical, home-made treadmill desks, which actually, I would love to have. My 12 pack of sparkly water is now a 6 pack, and it's a tad wobbly...

I also came across an article on how to stand properly, and all the benefits you get from doing so. I am really going to pay attention to standing properly this week. The article talks about your Qi as well, which I know nothing about, except that it's a great word to use in Scrabble games on Facebook. So this article talks about proper standing and even sitting and sleeping...and proper posture for tennis and squash players...you all play squash, don't you?

And finally I am leaving you with a semi-crude yet funny video. If you can't handle PG13ish (actually if I had a 13-year-old, I don't think I'd let them watch this!) humor then don't watch this but, for me this fits perfectly into being motivated to stand, while garnering a giggle or two...


So don't give up! I won't!

Happy Stooopid and Frustrating Monday y'all! I'm gonna go POTS around to find my lipase...I think I might have left it under the couch...

2 comments:

From Tracie said...

I was happily surprised to find that it was easier for me to stand over the weekend. Mostly because we were out a lot and not home. Home=sitting=death.....so obviously we all need more shopping!

Aunt Flo is wrong. She needs to leave us all alone.

w said...

hahaahahah!

first. you broke down and posted the video. grow.ing.up.

second. um. lemme guess. YOU HAVE YOUR PERIOD. nasw x all of it. and. for the record in case we have to find it.

third. you made your children stand = you are a chinese mom.

yay!

wait. i don't recall seeing CRASH in this post. that's right.

i am still panicking.

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