Monday, May 30, 2011

2 Days, 4 pounds, And A Mysterious Leg Dent...

The finish line is in sight!

I have almost completed my goal!

I'LL SOON BE BLOGGING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!!

If you're lost, go click on the dead guy up in the right column...you have a ton of catching up to do.

As my daughter said to her grandpa on the phone a few days ago, "yeah, mom is good...she sure stands a lot!"

Yes...my new moniker? IK STANDS-A-LOT! (IK = Insanitykim...c'mon now...)

That's right. Too legit to quit. Hard Core. Downright insane.

Did I mention I have a dent in my leg?

Yeah, it was quite mysterious. It's right in the front of my right thigh. At first I thought it was from rapid weight loss, and my cellulite was going on some crazy, "YOU CAN'T DESTROY MEEEE" rampage and decided to make a HUGE dent in my leg. It's deep. It freaked me out. My next logical thought was...

Aliens?

I mean, how does someone get a DENT in their leg out of nowhere?

Then yesterday, I figured out what was happening...the dent was caused by STANDING!

YES! STANDING!

No...not really the standing...

See, I often stand with my left foot perched up on a chair, and the other, of course, on the ground. And when I do that, I rest my thigh against the edge of the table...

People, this might be as bad as Africa on my back!

When I realized what I had been doing on and off FOR A MONTH I quickly tried to stop, thinking a rigorous massage and a good night sleep would make it go away.

IT'S STILL THERE!

What am I going to do? How am I gonna wear my Daisy Dukes this summer and not horrify people with this huge, deforming dent in my thigh?

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAAAA! That sentence is all kinds of wrong.

So for 6 months I lived with the map of Africa on my back, now, I will walk around with this "my-she-must-have-pretty-bad-edema" dent on my leg. Sigh.

In other news, GOOD news, I have lost 4 pounds in a week on this diet!

WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!

Granted, it's a LOW calorie LOW carb HIGH protein diet but, so far it's working. Not only that, my overall skin tone is better and I in fact am holding less water weight. It might be true that this initial weight loss is ALL water but, who wants to be lugging around 4 pounds of extra water in their tissues? Am I Spongebob? Noooooo...

I have been doing incredibly well, actually...tons of yogurt and lean fish and bucketloads of vegetables hasn't been all that bad. I haven't craved carbs, or become dizzy and collapsed, or sneaked out in the middle of the night and broken into a Dunkin' Donuts...yet. Well, I hadn't craved carbs until, yesterday...

It really started Friday night when my family enjoyed their fantastic Friday night pizza, made with tons of AWESOME by my lovely hubs. I ate a Greek scramble. That's eggs with Greek stuff in it. Like, feta cheese and Kalamata olives...not bad, but, not pizza. Then last night, I made chicken stir fry, and ate no noodles.

NO NOODLES!

Usually, I eat stir fry like this: TONS of noodles, a few veggies, and 2 pieces of chicken.

Last night: TONS of chicken, LOADS of veggies. No noodles.

So, so sad.

Now, the stir fry was very very good...yes, yes it was, but I kinda felt the whole, "I am gonna eat carpet fibers and pull out my eyelashes" part of my being start to emerge. Carbs are EVIL I tell you! EEEEEVIIIIILLLL!

Last night I dreamed I was with my mom and her friend, and I was trying to serve them copious amounts of bread-based desserts, smothered in frosting, and instead of eating it with them I stood at the kitchen sink, washing about 2,456 metal serving bowls while looking out the window at an outside faucet that was spewing water everywhere, and my neighbor, Yoko Ono, came out to turn it off.

And I am going to stop there, since that was kind of scary, and I will be blogging about my standing accomplishment very soon. It's also Memorial Day. I'll forgive you if you're sitting in the sunshine, eating a burger and enjoying the day, not reading my post. I might not like you all that much though...kidding! Kind of...

1 comment:

w said...

how does this have zero comments?

also. i'll read it later.

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