Friday, January 15, 2010

FANTASTIC FLASHBACK FRIDAY FUNNESS!

So yesterday I wolfed down an awesome turkey, ham, salami and cheese sammie with chips and I was noshin' and happy and thinkin', "man, I wish I could eat these everyday" and all was right with the world. Then I woke up at 4 am. Let's just say it wasn't purty...

So, it's Friday, and, while I recover, I thought it would be great to flash-back to times when I nearly threw up for other reasons. Sound fun? Oh, of COURSE it does because it's time for...

FANTASTIC FLASHBACK FRIDAY FUNNESS!!!



Poor kitty. He's always so angry. Be happy I didn't make him puke up a hairball, because I have the ability to, and I am JUST in that kind of mood...

So, grab some Pepto and enjoy the flashback. Leave me some comments of commiseration, will ya? Thanks!





I Was Not Made for Fear Factor!

So, I don’t know if Fear Factor is even on anymore, but I did enjoy squealing over it years ago when we still had TV (college budget and kid’s eyes can cause drastic actions, like canceling your cable). I am thinking maybe it was canceled? Well, if they are still serving up cow brains to ingest, and possibly infecting people with Mad Cow Disease (maybe they test them), then, they SHOULD be canceled…BSE..shudder…

Anyway I know I wouldn't qualify. Why? I can't swim, I'm not competitive, I won't wear a bikini, and I have no sense of adventure, but, besides that, I know for a fact that I could never, ever, reach deep, deep down inside and muster up the courage and ability to scarf down any sort of bug or animal part that doesn’t end in “chop” (like pork chop) “burger” (like hamburger) or begin with “fried”, like fried gizzards. If its fried, I might be able to choke it down…

I learned this about myself the minute I put Jacob on “solid” er, baby food. I was all about giving him a balanced array of foods, mashed mush that would give him the most bang my buck (I used to sit by his crib and pray for him…and uh, count out how many calories he had consumed that day to assure I didn’t starve him. Believe me, he was NOT starving!). So Jacob ate his fair share of apple cereal with cinnamon (cinnamon for brain development) mashed prunes (for iron and easy poo) creamed spinach (for all those "benes" of dark, green leafy vegetables) and, for a protein punch, creamed turkey.

Have you ever TRIED the creamed turkey, let alone looked at it? When you open the jar, it looks like something you left in the fridge for about three months. This is one of those things I did to Jacob that I will always feel bad about, feeding him creamed turkey. My cute little man ate that creamed turkey without a peep of complaint, and I mixed it with his apple sauce, spinach, and whatever else was the food de jour.

My mom told me that when I was little and still on baby food, she would come home from work (dad worked nights, mom worked days, I got LOTS of fun time w/ both parents as an only child) and find me just starving. My mom would ask, “did you feed her?” and my dad would say, “of COURSE I fed her!” Sometime later she was present when my dad was feeding me and came to realize the source of my ravenous appetite-I’d get a bite, he’d get a bite, I’d get a bite, HE would get a bite…apparently he never tried the creamed turkey, or he has no taste buds.

That creamed turkey is the equivalent of Freddy Kruger, your garbage disposal contents, and all the fear-factor foods blended-together, COMBINED!

One day as Jacob was eating it, mixed WITH his creamed spinach (another not so yummy jarred food) I decided to try it. I thought, well, this can’t be all that bad, probably just like baked turkey. And, I LOVE turkey! Thanksgiving is my favorite meal! Surely I was raising my son to be a lover of all foods yum.

By the way…when Jacob was six months old, and I was nursing, I made that mistake of holding him over my head and cooing at him. The boy puked up digested breast milk, and it shot right into my mouth and down my esophagus before I even had a chance to digest (haha) what had just happened. There is nothing quite like the taste of bile and curdled milk together.

I am serious, I would drink a pint of that before I would ever let that creamed turkey touch my lips again.

As I raised the spoon to taste test my son’s turkey lunch, the smell prompted a gag reflex so forceful that it caused my uvula to shoot out of my mouth and hit the wall (the uvula is that dangly thing in the back of your throat, in case anyone was overly alarmed at what a uvula might be). I actually got scared and began shaking and sweating. That instant I started considering whether or not I should even serve this vile paste to my son ever again. Protein…was it really that important? Couldn’t I just give him peanut butter and eggs and have an Epi-pen handy, in case he was allergic to either, or both?? Wouldn’t that be more humane?

I ended up switching to creamed chicken, which wasn’t quite as offensive, but I still had to be prepared since the site of anything pale and pasty caused me to start heaving. Thankfully, he was only on baby food for a few months. Audrey wouldn’t go near the stuff. Good girl! Let’s keep Fear Factor OUT of our menu!

18 comments:

Kearsie said...

My uvula is STILL quivering. Except last time I had just eaten the refried beans. This time, it was Taco Bell brown meat that could be anything. Including creamed turkey.

Kearsie said...

Wait. It could also be Wooly Monkey.

Now YOU'RE uvula is quivering. Or was that your smeyes?

Dee Crowe said...

Oh man...just the thought of jarred baby food makes fear factor look like a walk in the park. Its no wonder alot of kids are so finicky when they are able to feed themselves.,when they are slugs they have to eat that crap cuz they can't scream out Oh no you di'nt---I aint shovin that slime down my throat!

By the way...the chicken and noodles is even worse than the turkey...true story!

Lisa Marie said...

I hated the smell of the meat baby foods. My toddler ate the Earth's Best as his first foods. The fruits and veg were very tasty but the meats... ugh
He did not like them either

Kearsie said...

I misspelled YOU'RE. My eye is twitching. It makes the eye zit dance a bit.

Ian said...

Thank god I ate lunch prior to reading this post. The words creamed and turkey don't go together at all ugh

For that matter, creamed anything is just nasty.

robin said...

baby number one had the meated babyfoods. babies two and three i rebelled and refused to feed them to my kids. they just waited until they could gum real meat.

My Lipstick Life said...

OMG, I did the same thing with my oldest - fed her and an hour later held her over my head with my mouth wide open to catch every drop of sour, cudled milk she spit down my throat... ugh! Never happened again with my twin sons. I learned my lesson :) Happy Friday, SITSta!

w said...

i can't evarn bring mayself to read this post. how am i at only 10 comments?

that widget is whack.

i'm not obsessing. but still. i culld lose my first place... place.

what am i supposed to do? culltinuously comment? sheesh!

w said...

i was at elevarn yesterday!

w said...

this fierce competition to be first is unculled for. seriously. and you know what you gotta do if i drop down to second place.

w said...

i feel better now. vary much better.

Jennifer said...

I'm laughing at your gag reflex. And that your baby barfed into your mouth. And that your dad loved the turkey mush.

Is it bad that I used to serve that baby food to my baby, and force him to eat it, though I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER eat it myself?

That. Stuff. Is. Gross. Sorry little babies.

allycupe said...

Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day! I LOVED all the comment love and now I'm here to spread it around!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Baby food with meat is just plain heinous, with a capital HEINOUS!

ModernMom said...

We used to watch fear factor all the time!!

...and that baby food ewwww. After I tried it for the first time I became the mama that made my own. Gag

I am Harriet said...

Hi Kim.
I use to watch Fear Factor and then it started getting stupid with girls displaying their 'assets', probably because ratings were going down.

Have a great day!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

I have a fun award for you at my place.

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